Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Moment for Mom

Every once in a while I have to have an adult moment.

If anyone has noticed, my posts this month have been kind of few and far between.

It's been a busy month and a stressful one. My youngest turned 3. My oldest had strep throat and was missing school. Work has become increasingly hard to stomach. Literally almost. Migraines and anxiety are never good when you work at a job where you have to listen to people complain all day.

If I could find a job where I could be home at a decent hour in the evening and I actually made a DIFFERENCE with someone I would be so much happier. But I make no difference to anyone. You hang up the phone and within 30 seconds can't remember my name (if you even got it right to begin with). Only time I get remembered is if you have to call back in... then I'm "I talked to one of your representatives a few days ago..."

I used to want to be a teacher. Had gone so far as to do my student teaching with my senior English teacher, who was the biggest reason I wanted to be a teacher. English was my FAVORITE class in school and she made senior English fun. I want to make a difference to people the way she did for me. I want to be remembered 10 years down the road as the person who made English fun and exciting. As the person who made you want to do something more with yourself.

I know that sounds completely selfish and egotistical. But I'm tired of dreading my job. Of counting down the hours in between breaks just so I can make it through the day. I miss being home with my family during the day and eating dinner with my kids at night. Being able to put them to sleep.

I've got a lot of decisions to make. And none of them are easy. But I'm a mom. My kids are more important to me. My sanity is more important to me. And I'm currently missing both. :-P

But there are so many things I want to do, I can't pinpoint just one thing. I want to be an English teacher. A writer. An artist. A photographer (I do get to take someone's senior pictures this afternoon so it's a step in the right direction). Whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing, I hope I figure it out soon.

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