Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Though We're Far Apart... You're Always In My Heart

Kudos to anyone who can tell me what song my title came from, and why the song is relevant to the following entry. :-)

When I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I was in shock at first.... and then absolutely terrified.

I had never wanted kids. My plan (although it was quite stupid) was to adopt a teenager and then send them off to college. Like I said. Stupid. I did not deal well with children as a general rule. Unless they were family or belonged to good friends of mine, I had little patience for ankle biters.

I still don't do well with a lot of other people's kids, especially unsupervised kids on a playground.... but that's another topic for another day.

Anyways. I was absolutely terrified. I was unmarried and had just turned 19. I was in my 2nd semester of my freshman year in college and was without a doubt the most immature person (even worse than I am now) that you could possibly have ever met. Ok, so maybe that's stretching it a bit. But still... I was not the greatest decision maker (I'm still not, but at least I've got the right thought process down and experience to back it up). Didn't care about anything or anyone really. I had JUST come out from a REALLY bad depression and was still on quite shaky ground.

All the makings of a good mother right? Meh.

I had every reason to be terrified. I didn't know the first thing about being a mother. I'd babysat my nephews, but that was it. I would have NO clue how to take care of a baby. No clue.

Then I joined an email "loop" filled with girls in the same situation or similar situations. And the panic died down a bit. We all shared horror stories and experiences. We fought, we complained, we vented to each other. But what was best was that, even though it was online and we were all hundreds of miles apart, we supported each other. We didn't always agree with each other, but we supported each other.

When I joined that group I felt a little less alone and a little more like I could do this whole "mom" thing.

It's ok to be scared. Everyone has fears/worries/doubts. It's ok to admit that you have ABSOLUTELY no idea what to do. That you're not up on all the hippest trends or you haven't read up on all of the parenting info and what not. You don't have to be supermom the second the little one finds its way down the birthing canal.

Find people like you. Look online. Shoot, facebook now a days has groups for just about EVERYTHING. Go to Cafe Mom and find people that way. Once you know what you're looking for, you begin to notice that there are a WHOLE lot more people in your shoes with you than you ever thought possible. It's also really easy to find people who have been in your shoes and would love to answer any questions or help quiet any concerns that you have.

You don't have to be alone.

It helps to have people to complain about backpain with. It helps to know that you're not the only one with really strange food cravings (for me it was hot and spicy pickles with Alanna, and cheese ravioli with Lydia). It helps to know that OTHER people feel just as terrified and alone as you do. Because while you may not always get along or "feel the love" for each other. You have the support of someone who knows that you're also giving your support for them. You've "got each others' backs" so to speak.

Most of the girls from my email loop are now friends of mine on Facebook.

I "met" them all back in 2002.

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